The Art of Letting Go and Conquering My Worst Fear

      According to dictionary.com, fear is a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid.  The top five most common phobias are fear of spiders, snakes, heights, crowded places, and dogs.  Luckily, I am not terrorized by any of those things.  My worst fear is not tangible…it is personal; it does not affect me alone, but only I can conquer it.  

It may sound ridiculous, but I dread becoming an overbearing and controlling mother.  Although my son is barely a teenager, and I still have years before he is completely independent, the thought alone immobilizes me down to my core and makes me very sad.  This is not a new concept, I am sure I am part of the gazillion moms out there past, present, and future who have dealt, are dealing with, or will deal with the same insecurities.  Insecurities we know that, if not controlled, will push our loved ones away.

I am the mother of an only child, a son.  My son and I are very close, and although a teenager he still enjoys spending time with me.  My husband says that we have a stronger bond that even he and his mother had, and I cringe when he warns me that I will be "just like his mother, if not worse!” Whenever I hear those words, an overpowering feeling of hopelessness takes over me leaving me deflated.  After thinking about this fear and how I can overcome it, I realize the key is to be aware…..aware of my actions, my thoughts, and my role as a mother.

So I think the best way for me to have a fighting chance against making my future self dreadful is to learn the art of letting go. I have always understood that I am not raising my son for me, but rather for society, so that he may hopefully become a valuable contribution to the world.  We have taught him manners, respect, the importance of education, and to always do his best.  We try to show him that asides from love, a healthy marriage requires communication, respect, a sense of humor, and patience. 

Starting now, I must arm myself with the proper tools and knowledge so that he and I will continue to have a healthy relationship without destroying each other's happiness. Letting go right now means I need to:

1. Realize that he will make his own choices, and I may or may not like them, but I must respect them.
2. Remember he is a capable, intelligent person living his own life.
3. Not interfere, try to control, or change his decisions. 
4. Refrain from giving my opinion unless asked.
5. Give him space.
6. Respect his boundaries.

Will I be able to achieve all of these steps? I honestly do not know. What I do know is that I will try my hardest to spare us pain and arguments.  I am optimistic that my future self will be thankful for the obstacles I face today. 

Mindful Moment:  Being a parent is the most important job on the planet. I treasure every moment with my son, even the ones that are difficult because those are the ones that challenge me to be a better person.