The Emotional Manipulation Grip-Breaking Loose and Reclaiming My Happiness

I hate to admit it, but I have been a victim of emotional manipulation for many, many years. It was not until recently when I was discussing an undesirable event with a dear friend over coffee, that the proverbial light bulb came on above my head.  As soon as she pointed it out to me, I had an "a-ha moment,"... Oprah would be so proud!  The realization was so profound that I felt immediately better, like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders, and I knew exactly what I had to do.  It was the quickest and cheapest therapy session I ever had.

In all of our lives, we have relationships with people that we cannot avoid.  Like the adage says, "you can choose your friends, but you cannot choose your family."  While I agree with this saying, I would like to add that that you have the power to control how and when you interact with them. Simply because they are family does not mean that I have to tolerate their behavior towards me or put up with their temper tantrums. There are people who will say or do things because they want you to engage in their behavior and provoke a response from you.  As soon as I would engage, I would lose.   And I don't not mean lose the argument, I mean I would lose my peace of mind and my happiness.  

This is exactly the trap I kept falling for every time. To the point that it would ruin my entire day, cause me to lose sleep, and I found myself complaining to anyone who would listen. Emotional manipulators are very smart. They use a variety of tools such as guilt and playing the victim to draw you into their ambush. 

Armed with the new insight and refusing to be emotionally manipulated anymore, I set forth a personal goal and plan on how to deal with these occurrences:

My Goal: To remain in control of my emotions.

Plan: 1.  Set boundaries,

 2.  Do not take anything they say or do personally, and

 3.  Do not attempt to change them.

     My plan is precise. It is not elaborate or confusing. I wanted to come up with something that could be applied to different situations and to different people. The idea is not total avoidance, because I would have to end up living in a room myself and that is not what life is about.  Following these three simple steps, will allow me to stay focused and attain my goal.   

Mindful Moment:  Are you a victim of emotional manipulation? If so, I urge you to devise your own plan, or you are welcomed to adopt mine :) Share with me any insight you may have.  I will be forever grateful for my friend's wise words. They brought me peace and gave me the strength, knowledge, and insight to break lose of the negative behavior.